Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
