I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
