If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
