I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
