I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
