You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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