I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
