Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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