I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
