instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We are two peas in an std pod
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
