I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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