wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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