and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
