just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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