Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
