my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just pee around me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
