I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
