Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
