He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
