Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
