put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
