I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
