I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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