so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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