I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
