he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
