Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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