I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
