Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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