i may or may not be watching the land before time
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I love you. Go after that dick
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
