The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize