Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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