Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
