just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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