glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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