you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
