See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
