just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
