my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
