I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
