there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
