So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
and you fell through a lawn chair
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
