So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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