That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
