Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
