i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
