i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
