I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
