i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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