dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
