it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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