This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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