So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
