Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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